


Escape

by Beth Harker (Beth_Harker)



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Alcoholism, Character Study, Fear of poison, Gen, Jeremy's mom's POV, unintentional child abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-01 14:34:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18802276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beth_Harker/pseuds/Beth%20Harker
Summary: Jeremy's mother reflects on the days leading up to her departure.





	Escape

Naomi Heere is leaving in thirty-two days. It's six AM. Her head is pounding so hard it's a wonder no one else can hear it. Her mouth is dry and fuzzy. She's knocked on the bathroom door three times, but Jeremy keeps yelling at her to wait another minute. His voice cracks. He's shrill and unmistakably adolescent. On the fourth knock she barges in, just in time to catch a split second glimpse of Jeremy, clad only in a towel, scrutinizing the patch he's cleared in the steamed up mirror, as he tries to pop a pimple. In an instant he whirls around to face her, making a sound between a shout and a squeak. He pulls the towel tighter around himself. 

“Gah… _mom_ … I just needed to… I…” 

“I have to brush my teeth.” 

Jeremy takes a deep breath, lips pulling inwards. “You do that,” he says, flatly, pushing past Naomi to get to the door. There's venom in his tone, and Naomi wonders why she got out of bed. 

“Are you angry with me?” Naomi asks. Her eyes sting. 

“No.” 

“You have to understand that you’re not the only one is this house. Other people need to use the bathroom too. How long have you been in there?” Naomi trails after her son, on his way to his room. He shrugs. “Jeremy, do you feel like I should've left you alone in there? I can, if you want.”

“It's fine. I just wanna… um… I left the clothes I was gonna wear today in there. Can I grab them?” 

“Of course.” 

Jeremy hurries past her, and picks his clothes up off the toilet. “Thanks mom,” he says, giving her a little wave as he rushes back into his room. Returning to the bathroom, Naomi closes the door, and picks up her toothbrush. Jeremy’s is on the side next to the sink, paste spread over it. He must've gone to brush his teeth, and gotten distracted. Jeremy’s always doing stuff like that. It takes him forever to get ready in the morning, because he’ll put on a sock, and then remember he wants to make lunch. He’ll finish assembling his sandwich, then leave it on the counter, remembering suddenly that article he read online, telling him he should put on deodorant at least an hour before going out, to avoid sweating. His deodorant habit is distressing. Naomi knows it causes cancer, but when she tries to take it away, Jeremy just hides it, or gets Michael to keep a secret stash in his backpack. It's like every time Naomi tries to help Jeremy, he decides he hates her. It's like she can never do a single good thing in her life. She's worthless, and Jeremy is constantly searching for ways to tell her that. 

Naomi brushes her teeth, and takes a long, deep swig of mouthwash. The poison burns going down, but it dulls the churning in her stomach. She wouldn't normally intake these kinds of toxins, but Jeremy pushes her to it. 

“I feel like everybody is against me,” she tells Jeremy, on the drive to school. 

Jeremy doesn't answer. It's like Naomi didn't say anything at all. It's like he doesn't want her to exist. 

“I feel like everyone is against me,” she repeats. 

“Is this about the bathroom?” 

Naomi shakes her head. Why would it be? 

“It's just like everyone would be happier if I wasn't here. It's like you want me to hurt myself.” 

———————- 

Living with men and boys is gross. Naomi can't get out if it soon enough. She's made some calls, changed twenty-nine days to nineteen. Her husband is a loser. He smells like balls and armpit. He hovers. He tries to keep her away from her son. 

Jeremy is gross too. Sometimes he goes a week without showering. Teenagers are like that. Naomi never wanted a son, but the blind panic at the procedure involved in getting rid of him before he came to be had driven her until she'd popped open in a searing explosion and then there'd been a baby, and he'd screamed, and her life as a human being had been over. There's a big difference, after all, between being a person and being a mom. Moms are superhuman and subhuman all at once. People just are. 

Naomi’s tried to teach Jeremy things. She has ideals and wisdom to impart. When, as a child, he asked her why Michael had two moms and he had a mom and a dad, she'd let him know that only bad people asked those kinds of questions. She'd taught him never to make fun of people who were different, and not to be too different, lest he get made fun of. She'd taught him that loyalty was the first rule of family, and of friendship. 

She still had a lot to teach him, and only nineteen days to do it. 

——————-

Naomi has been terrified of poison since she was a little girl. Her aunt Lizzy had caught her in the bathroom, trying to eat her chocolate scented body lotion, and slapped it out of her hand. 

“That has chemicals in it! It could kill you!” she'd said. 

Naomi had washed and washed and washed her hands after, but the scent of death chocolate had clung for weeks. She'd asked aunt Lizzy what other things could be poisonous. Hand soap? Absolutely. Kitchen cleaner? Very much so! Even parts of her own body could kill her, if she touched them without watching her hand. 

At school, she'd had to sit in the nurse’s office the day their teacher came up with the brilliant idea to have them mummify chickens, to learn about ancient Egypt. It was there, breathing heavily, that she'd realized she'd escaped one hell just to enter another, for she was surrounded by pills and syrups, all of which were encased in warning emblazoned bottles. 

From the age of six to the age of fourteen, Naomi quite possibly hadn't passed a single day in which she wasn't terrified. She'd found a natural solution in stealing glasses of her mother's wine. Wine, after all, was just old grapes, and she'd never been afraid of grapes. Chicken had salmonella. Beef had mad cow. Grapes were fine. Fermented grapes were better than fine. Drinking them was like taking all her fears, and shoving them inside a pair of fluffy bunny slippers. They became soft, dull, and ludicrous. 

It's the only way Naomi is able to strike a balance, especially with Jeremy in the house. He's hers, and he reflects on her, so she needs to be able to wash him, if she doesn't want everyone to hate her. She needs to be able to close her eyes and feed him an antibiotic if he gets an infection, and she needs to be able to bring him to school, even if she has to shower for two and a half hours afterwards, to scrub herself clean of all the superbugs he's probably carrying. 

It dawns too late for Naomi that the wine and the other things she's consuming are a poison all their own. By the time it does, she can't get by without it. 

In seventeen days she’ll tackle that. 

 

———————

Charlie and Erica Mell are the first people Naomi tells about going. Or maybe they tell her she has to go. It happens on one of those nights when reality gets hazy, and Naomi just needs someone to listen to her. It’s one of those nights where she has to vomit out words, and then have somebody who isn't her useless husband clean her up and put her to bed. Finding the Mells is the best thing Jeremy ever did, and Naomi always makes sure to let them know how much she loves them. They’re her favorite people. 

They have their disagreements, just like Jeremy and Michael have theirs. 

When Jeremy and Michael are in preschool, they get into an argument over whether birds have two legs or four. Naomi gets into a fight with Erica Mell over whether or not to vaccinate Jeremy, even though he's the one crying upstairs because Michael doesn't believe him about four-legged birds, and he definitely doesn't have enough brain cells to risk killing a few just to avoid lumps and rashes. 

(Not that Naomi doesn't have nightmares about those lumps and rashes, but it doesn't make sense to risk your life to fight a foe that might never arrive.)

On the night, many years later, when Naomi and Charlie Mell argue about whether or not Naomi needs help, Michael and Jeremy argue over who gets what controller in the video game they’re going to play. The boys’ argument ends in laughter. Naomi’s ends in tears and hesitant agreement. 

The Mells promise to keep their mouth shut, and let Naomi tell Jeremy in her own way. They help her find a clinic, and fill out the paperwork. They read flight schedules aloud to her when she's too cross-eyed and sick to look at them. 

———————

The week before Naomi leaves, she takes Jeremy housesitting, and then camping. She's got some friends from college, and they post on Facebook looking for somebody to watch their dogs and cat. It's the perfect opportunity. Naomi can deal with never seeing Jeremy again, but she can't deal with the possibility of him hating her. They need to spend some time together before she goes. 

At home, Jeremy is greasy and weird. 

At the house they’re watching in upstate New York, he's still greasy and weird, but he's also good with animals. Naomi never has been. They take too much work, and she can't keep it straight. Jeremy’s good at remembering to feed and clean up after things. She tells him this. 

She tells him a lot of other things, too. 

“I need to relate to you as an adult,” she tells him. 

“You have a good heart, but you’re difficult,” she tells him. “I could've been so many things, but you needed me to give that up. You don't understand how much you need. When you grow up, we can be friends. I'm looking forward to that so much.” 

In all truth, Naomi doesn't remember how much she tells Jeremy. She shares her wine with him, in hopes that he will relax and tell her things back. When things get too heavy, she gives him more, in hopes he’ll forget this conversation happened at all. 

————-

Two days before she leaves, and Naomi is filling up her coming absence with gifts. She gets new clothes for Jeremy, and a book on Feng Shui and some crystals for Michael. She gets Jeremy oils to keep him healthy - lavender and clove, food grade so he doesn't die. She takes him to the zoo. He's good with animals, and knows a fair amount about them, now that he's presumably outgrown his ‘birds-have-four-legs’ phase. There's no telling for sure, because when she asks him how many legs an ostrich has, he just gives her a weird look. 

Erica and Charlie want to know when Naomi’s going to say goodbye. Yes, they’ll watch out for Jeremy, and yes, Naomi is making the right choice in seeking help. Yes, they’ll send her books, and yes, they understand why she's going. No, she shouldn't be afraid, and yes, it’ll be fine, but she has to tell Jeremy and her husband. She can't just disappear. 

She can't face Jeremy and tell him she's leaving, either. He’ll be mad. He’ll accuse. 

When all is said and done, Naomi Heere leaves her family behind with a note. Maybe she’ll come back someday, when she can have them without them having her. Maybe she’ll come back, if she ever finds herself and finds her strength.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm curious what people thought of this one? Mrs. Heere wasn't the easiest POV to get into, and this fic kind of falls into the 'writing experiment' category.


End file.
